Nothing Left to Lose
by mrsmcdreamy29
Summary: Season 4 finale. What if when Derek said that he didn't want to work with, see or talk to Meredith, he meant it? Rated M for language and sexual content in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

"You can go. That jerk told me I can go! Beth is my patient. I started this trial. It was my idea. Stupid brainless brain man." Meredith Grey quietly fumed to herself as she left Beth's room and headed for the resident's locker room to change her clothes. "He doesn't want to work with me anymore? Well fine if that is the way he wants it. I don't need this, he can have his candy eating annoying nurse. I don't care anymore" Even as she said this she knew better, however denial always worked best for her. She decided one drink wouldn't set back the months of therapy she had subjected herself to. She quickly changed clothes and text Cristina as she headed to Joe's.

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Derek Shepherd sat next to Beth's bed. He kept a close eye on her stats as he signed off on his charts for the day. He couldn't believe he let Meredith talk him and Beth into doing this surgery. Beth had just lost the love of her life because he couldn't save Jeremy and then Meredith goes and decides to exert pressure on Beth. He just didn't understand Meredith any more and for the life of him he couldn't understand why he bothered trying. He had Rose and while she didn't make him feel like Meredith had he thought in some instances that was a good thing. With Rose he didn't have to guess what his place was in her life and she was open to the possibility of a future with him. He would get over Meredith Grey. It was just a matter of time.

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Meredith sat at the bar with a shot of tequila before her. She has been staring at it for 20 minutes. She felt Joe's inquisitive gaze on her and she could tell she was starting to freak him out. That was okay because him staring at her was starting to freak her out.

"Are you going to stare at that tequila all night or are you going to drink it?" Joe asked.

" I don't know what to do." Meredith stated.

" You pick it up, put it to your mouth and then swallow."

" I know that! That's not what I am talking about…You know what never mind. I am just not in the mood for tequila right now, can I get a water Joe?"

"What? Water? Who are you and what have you done with my person?" Cristina asked as she sat down next to Meredith.

"I…I.. Cristina I am just so messed up right now. I just don't understand how things got this way. Derek…"

" Okay seriously Mer. I am not your shrink. I want to be all supportive or whatever but Mer you really need to just move on from Shepherd. He is with his McNurse. Go get laid, You are much more fun when you are getting some."

Meredith laughed. " I am not going to go get laid and I am not going to get drunk. I am going to move on. It is time to move on. I can move on, right? Cristina?"

"Oh right yeah, you can and you will move on. I will help you Mer you know that. You'll have me and Barbie, Bambi, and Evil Spawn."

Meredith smiled tiredly at Cristina. "Thanks." She laid her head down on Cristina's shoulder.

"Uh Mer? Okay I said I would be supportive but I don't go for this touchy-feely crap."

" Shut up you're my person."

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Meredith rushed down the hall towards Beth's room. She received a 911 page as she was headed home from Joe's. "Oh please don't let her be dead, Please." She thought to herself as she hurried into Beth's room. Beth's parents were over her bed crying. Derek was on the other side of her bed. He looked briefly at her and then walked out of the room after telling Mr. and Mrs. Monroe to page him with any questions. He avoided her eyes as he left the room. Meredith crept slowly to where Derek had been standing just seconds before and looked down. Beth's warm brown eyes looked back at her. "You're awake!" She looked to Beth's parents. "She's awake! This is so wonderful and just… Oh my God! I will be back to check on you later okay?" Meredith left the room to go find Derek. They had a bottle of champagne to open. Yeah, they had fought today but they had saved Beth's life. Finally after 12 failed attempts they had saved a life. She hurried to the lounge to get their "victory dance".

Derek sat by himself on the roof of the hospital and looked down on the lights of Seattle. It was so peaceful here unlike the war that was raging in his head. Beth was alive! He should have been so happy and he was, but he knew he had to move on from Meredith and that thought alone just about killed him. And he knew the way he had to push her away from him would hurt her. He knew she didn't deserve it, but it was the only chance they had to move on and maybe just maybe be happy without each other.

A noise startled him out of his thoughts.

"There you are! I have been looking all over for you. Do you ignore your pages now?" Meredith asked.

He looked down at his pager. Crap, he did have 3 missed pages from Meredith.

"I just needed to be alone Dr. Grey. I am sure you can understand that." He said coldly.

Meredith blinked. " Dr. Grey? Are you alright? Beth is alive, we saved her! And I know you were upset with me earlier, but she is okay and we did it Derek! We freaking did it!" She stopped when she saw he wasn't sharing in the celebration. " We have to open our victory dance Derek… Derek?"

"I said I need to be alone. Don't you understand English?" He growled. " Did you think I was joking Dr. Grey when I said after Beth's surgery that I didn't want to see you or hear you or work with you? Because I wasn't! I know that there will be some instances that I will be forced to work with you, but know that I will do everything in my power to stay as far away from you as possible. You manipulated me into this trial, you used the feelings I had for you, the need that I had just to be near you to get me on board for this. But never again Dr. Grey. You will address me as Dr. Shepherd. There is no Derek and Meredith. You killed this…you killed us. I have the chance to be happy and I am going to take it and it may not be with Rose but I can assure you, it will be with someone who is not emotionally stunted and not someone who gets drunk and fucks random guys. We are done! Do you understand me Dr. Grey?"

" Yes Dr. Shepherd." She choked out. She turned and ran to the door and down the stairwell. Halfway down she collapsed onto the landing and let the tears overtake her.

She sobbed her heart out for all that was now lost.

**I know. I know. Don't kill me. Anyone who knows me knows that I am merder all the way. Have faith. I am not Shonda. I will fix this…later.**


	2. Chapter 2

Meredith slammed her hand on the alarm clock for the fifth time that morning. She didn't know why she even set it. It's not like she slept. She just laid there and cried all night. She had 30 minutes to get to work or she would be late. She knew Bailey would crawl her ass but that was better than the hell Derek , excuse me, Dr. Shepherd would cause her today. She still couldn't believe it. He had never spoken to her that way not even when he called her a whore. A knock startled her out of her musings.

"Mer? You awake? We're gonna be late and you're my ride." Izzie said.

"Have Alex take you Izzie. I am not going"

"Oh god, not again Mer. What is wrong now. You rocked the clinical trial. I figured you would be thrilled. And Alex isn't really speaking to me right now because… You know what that's not important right now. Come on Mer, get up!"

"I can't Izzie, I can't face him today… I just can't." Meredith's voice cracked and her eyes started to fill with tears.

" Mer? Oh Mer, what's wrong? Tell me maybe I can help. I know I am not Cristina but I do care about you. You are my family and I want to help you. Please."

"Oh god Izzie it hurts…it just hurts so much. Derek said he didn't want me near him and he meant it! Oh Izzie what have I done? I pushed away the only person I have ever truly loved and he hates me now."

" Hates you. Mer, this is Derek we are talking about. He loves you. Everyone knows that!"

"You didn't hear him Iz. He was so cold. His eyes were so cold." She sobbed.

"Mer just give him space but I am sure this will all blow over."

" You really think so Iz?"

" Yes just trust me. Now let's go to work."

" Okay I will be down in 10 minutes. Iz?"

"Yeah Mer?"

"Thanks for listening and being there or whatever."

"You're welcome. See you downstairs in 10. And put some makeup on, you look like crap."

Meredith rolled her eyes and smiled a little. Maybe things would blow over. She got up and began her day.

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Derek trudged into the hospital. He had gotten absolutely no sleep the night before. He couldn't get the look on Meredith's face out of his mind. It took so much out of him to say that to her last night. He hated being cruel to her but he didn't see any other choice. They were toxic together. It would be better in the long run for them to move on from each other and if possible, be happy with someone else.

"Hey Derek, wait up man! I hear you finally succeeded with the trial. If it would have been my trial I would have had victory first week out, but you are not the great the Mark Sloan."

"Thank God for that."

"What's up man? Why do you look like someone boiled your bunny?"

"Shut up Mark! I don't have time for your particular brand of humor today, Ok?"

"Seriously man. What's wrong?"

"I told Meredith that I wanted nothing to do with her ever again. And I meant it. You were right. She will never be ready, she was just jerking me around. I deserve more than that, right? Rose is ready and she is great."

" Since when do you ever listen to me? Are you sure about this? I know what I told you but you really loved Meredith. I mean you hit me just for talking to her and don't say that was about Addie because I know better than that. I know you Derek and you're not like that. And as for Rose, you know there is a reason I never slept with her, right."

"She wouldn't have you? That is one of the reasons she appealed to me."

" Aren't you afraid you will die of sugar shock if you are near her too long? I mean come on man, eventually all of that crap will go to her hips and rot her already very prominent teeth. I'm just saying."

" Mark? Shut up and let's get to work already." Derek said walking away.

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"Shit Mer! What the hell happened to you?" Cristina exclaimed as Meredith walked into the resident's locker room.

"McBastard happened to me, that's what!"

"What did he do now?"

" He refuses to work with me or speak to me or look at me. He says I am toxic. Oh and he wants to be with someone who doesn't get drunk and fuck random guys!"

" Um….Wasn't he a random guy?"

"My point exactly!" Meredith's shoulders slumped. " What do I do? He was so mean Cristina."

"Mer I am your person so don't take this wrong way, but you are acting like a weak ass pussy bitch. Why the fuck do you even care or better yet why are you surprised. Shepherd has done nothing but fuck you up and leave you to mend on your own. Get over him, move on and suck it up. If he is treating you like shit, it is because you are letting him. You are stronger than this. I mean you came back from the dead. Just ignore him and move on. Please."

"You're right! I don't need this. Thanks."

"Anytime. Now lets take all this newfound aggression of yours and go torture the interns."

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Derek was writing in Beth's chart by the nurse's station when Rose came up and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

"Hey are we still on for tonight? I thought I would make us dinner."

Derek looked at Rose and then at the piece of chocolate in her hand. Mark's words came from earlier came to him but he shook it off. Rose was steady and sure and most of all she wouldn't run for the hills if he mentioned the word future. Unlike a certain blond-haired 2nd year resident…wait, not thinking about her. He was moving on.

"Yeah, I guess that just depends on when I get out of here. I will let you know, okay?"

"Okay. Uh…are you alright? You seem a little…distant this morning. I thought you would be walking on the moon. I mean your trial was a success. I thought you and Dr. Grey would be celebrating. All of your hard work finally paid off."

Derek's head jerked up when he heard Meredith's name. "Do not mention Dr. Grey to me ever unless it is in a professional capacity. Okay?"

"O…Okay." Rose said really confused. Derek never acted like this.

"I'm sorry Rose. I am just tired. I will try to see you tonight." With that he walked towards the elevator leaving a worried Rose behind.

Meredith walked with Izzie and Cristina towards the elevator after they got their assignments from Bailey. The Pit! She got the Pit. Going there after the months of doing the clinical trial was going to hell. At least she didn't get the clinic. No offense to Izzie but she was like Tinkerbell on crack when she was in the clinic.

"Earth to Meredith! Snap out of it! Don't make me kick your ass cause I so will."

" I am fine Cristina."

"Oh Cristina she said she was fine. That means not fine in Meredithland." Izzie said.

"No she said she was fine, she is fine."

"Look at her"

" I am looking at her and she looks like hell and…"

"Hey! I am standing right here." Meredith exclaimed as she pushed the elevator down button. She was so glad to know her friends were so supportive she thought sarcastically.

The elevator doors opened. Meredith made to get on the elevator but stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the two occupants. "Great just fucking wonderful" she thought. McBastard and his friend McManwhore.

She stepped into the elevator with Izzie and Cristina behind her. She faced the doors with her back to Derek and Mark. The silence was deafening.

"So Grey I hear congratulations are in order. You and Shep finally did it, huh?" Mark said.

"Yeah we did." Meredith stated not looking anywhere but the doors.

"No I did it, Dr. Grey did the research but I did it. I made it a reality, Mark not her. I developed the virus, I did the surgeries. She read the stats like a nurse. Period."

Meredith stood there in shock this time looking at her feet. Cristina, Izzie and Mark stood there slack jawed looking between Derek and Meredith.

Cristina's eyes flashed. "You wait just a damn minute! You wouldn't have even done this trial if it wasn't for her. She put her blood, sweat and tears into this you stupid …"

"Christina …stop! Just leave it …stop. He is entitled to his opinion but I would appreciate it if he would keep it to himself and be professional while we are at work."

"I don't intend to see you outside of work Dr. Grey. "

"Then we shouldn't have anything more to say to each other Dr. Shepherd."

"I am just getting started Dr. Grey." Just then the doors opened and Derek pushed past her and out the door leaving Mark, Izzie and Cristina looking at Meredith and each other wondering what the hell that was all about. And wondering what they were going to do about it.


	3. Chapter 3

Derek calmly walked away from the elevator, leaving three shocked people and one very hurt person in his wake. He walked around the corner and entered the first on call room he came to. He closed to door and then furiously banged his head against the door.

"Shit!" He would look at her and get so angry. He couldn't help but see red when he saw her. He knew deep down his anger was unjustified but he couldn't help the vile words that spewed out of his mouth. He knew she couldn't help the way she was, the issues she had. Those were deep seeded and started way before he met her. And while he was at it, he should really admit to himself that he really didn't help matters any when it came to the whole new set of issues she now had that were his fault. But he thought, he had shown her how sorry he was and he had made it up to her. She pushed him away, not the other way around. He would just avoid her and then he wouldn't have to worry about any of it. Out of sight, out of mind. Right.

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Meredith stood in the lunch line a few hours later. She really wasn't hungry but knew she had to eat for strengths sake. She grabbed a salad , yogurt, and a bottled water and headed to sit where Cristina, Izzie, Alex, George, and Lexie were already eating their respective lunches.

"Oh God Meredith, are you okay?" Lexie asked.

"What are you talking about?"

She's talking about the scene caused by Shepherd this morning in the elevator." Alex said.

"How do you know about it?" Meredith exclaimed.

"Cristina told us."

"Cristina!"

"What? It's not like they weren't going to find out about it. The only thing that spreads faster than disease in this place is gossip."

"Whatever, I am over it."

"How can you be over it? He was so harsh and cruel." Izzie asked. "I mean I thought you were exaggerating this morning, but you definitely were not."

"What can we do to help?" George asked. He was really concerned for Meredith. She had seemed to be getting so much better these last few months and he didn't want her to have a setback.

"I appreciate everyone's concern, but I am really fine. He can say and think whatever he wants. I don't care." Everyone looked at her as if to say 'Yeah right'. "Really!"

"Okay." Izzie said.

"Sure" George said.

"Whatever" Cristina said.

"If you say so" Alex said.

"Really?" Lexie asked.

"Oh just shut up!" Meredith got up and left in a huff.

"This is going to end so badly." Cristina groaned.

"Yep." Izzie said.

"You can say that again" George said.

"Oh yeah" Alex said.

"Really?" Lexie asked confused.

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Mark caught up with Derek a few hours after the elevator confrontation. Derek was holed up in his office going over the next days surgeries. 

"Man, what the hell was that?"

"What was what?"

"Dude don't act stupid with me. I am talking about that display in the elevator with Grey this morning."

"What about it?"

"Shep, what the hell are you doing? You don't talk that way to Grey. Hell you don't talk that way to anyone. What the hell is going on with you?"

" I told you Mark. I am done with her."

"Fine but that doesn't mean you can talk to her like that. It is very unprofessional. The chief will hand you your ass on a platter if he hears you talking to her like that."

"Oh like you can talk about being professional. You've fucked everyone on the surgical nurse roster and most of the female doctors."

"Yeah but they ask for it , hell some of them beg for it. Grey didn't ask for your shit. So my advice to you is to knock it off."

'When I want your advice Mark, I will ask for it." Derek said as he gathered his charts and stormed out of his office.


	4. Chapter 4

After the day Meredith had, all she wanted was to go home. And yet here she was sitting on Dr. Wyatt's couch for her scheduled therapy session. The rest of her day had went okay. No more confrontations with Derek. When she did catch a glimpse of him, he looked straight through her as if she wasn't even there. She really wasn't sure what was worse, him yelling at her or him ignoring her.

"Meredith, you are very quiet today. Do you want to talk about?" Dr. Wyatt asked.

If she wanted to talk about wouldn't she be talking? Damn, they'll give a pysch degree to anyone huh?

"Meredith?"

"I really don't want to talk about it."

"Meredith, lets not backtrack we have begun to make real progress."

"Okay fine. Derek is mad at me."

"Derek is mad at you? How does that make you feel?"

"How do you think it makes me feel? It has obviously upset me."

"Why? You are not with him, he is with Rose."

"He is being really cold and cruel to me and I don't feel like I have done anything to deserve it. The trial was a success and yet he is acting like I ran over his puppy!"

"What do you say to him when he is yelling at you?"

"Nothing. What am I supposed to say?"

"Have you lost your voice or just your nerve? You are a strong woman, an extraordinary woman Meredith. No man defines who you are."

"So what are you saying?"

"I am saying to figure it out for yourself. You know what to do, so do it."

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Derek methodically scrubbed out of his successful craniotomy. He was lost in thought when Rose came up to him.

"Hey! You never did say whether we were on for tonight or not."

"Oh yeah, right. Okay, I will be ready in 20 minutes."

"Great I will meet you downstairs."

Derek headed to the attending's locker room to change clothes. He was exhausted after today and not sleeping the night before. All he wanted was to go home. Oh well, he could always cut the evening short. Then again she would probably want sex. He had managed to hold off after that first time. There just wasn't passion with Rose. Of course there was more to a successful relationship than just sex. He had passion with Meredith and looked where that got him. In a relationship with Rose. He had a lot of thinking to do but he would put it off until tomorrow.

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Meredith headed down to the lobby this time taking the stairs. She definitely didn't want to risk another elevator encounter with Dr. Shepherd. She was after all the master avoider. She would just avoid him until this all blew over. Yeah like that has worked so well in the past. She made it the bottom step and exited out of the stairwell door into the lobby and headed for the door. However before she got there, she heard a voice call out her name. She winced. It was Rose. Just Great. A terrific ending to a terrific day.

"Hey Meredith. I just wanted to congratulate you on your success with the trial. You must be ecstatic!"

"Oh Hi Rose, uh…yeah. It is great. Really great."

"Yeah I am just waiting on Derek. We are going to my apartment for dinner."

'Is she fucking kidding me! Who the hell says that to their boyfriend's ex girlfriend!' She wanted to rip her fucking head off for being so insensitive.

"Great thanks for the information. I am really happy for you." she said sarcastically.

"You have fun tonight okay."

"He is really a great guy and I think we can be happy together Meredith. I hope that we can all stay friends."

"You want to be friends? Okay Rose, friends are honest with each other, right? How is this for honest? Derek Shepherd is a class A asshole who will fuck with your head and tell you all these really beautiful and romantic things that will have you falling in love so fast your head will spin…and then his wife will show up and he will tell you he is leaving her, but instead he will stay with her and then flaunt her in your face every fucking day. And yet you will be labeled as the fucking whore! Then he will want to still be around you, sniffing you in elevators and comforting you in supply closets, all the while still fucking his wife. Then he will get pissed off when you try to move on and chase you into an exam room and fuck your brains out. Then he will tell you he loves you, but then walk away and want space. Then you will let him back in and he tells you he will always show up and yet he is flirting with bar whores and wanting you to put him out of his misery. So you will dump his sorry ass and then he wants break up sex. But can he handle that? No! All of a sudden he will want marriage and 3 kids and a house in the fucking wilderness. And then because you are not ready he will start to date doctors and scrub nurses because to him it apparently doesn't matter who he has a future with, just as long as he has someone to cater to his every fucking need!"

Meredith stopped and looked around to everyone who had gathered to watch her tirade. Rose stood there with her eyes wider than they already were. Then her eyes met steely cold blue. Oh shit!

"What the hell do you think you are doing Dr. Grey?" he said coldly.

Oh, no he didn't!

"Don't Dr. Grey me you prick. You want to treat me like shit go ahead! I can take anything you throw at me. But know this…If you cant take it, don't dish it out." She spat.

And with that she threw her head up high and walked out the door leaving behind a very astonished group of people. Let the gossip and the games begin! Oh this was going to be so much fun!


	5. Chapter 5

Meredith walked into the resident's locker room the next morning with a smile on her face. She always did love a challenge. She wasn't going to take his shit lying down. She was going to make him regret ever taking her on.

"Mer, what happened last night? The hospital is talking about how you went all postal. What the hell did you do?" Cristina asked.

"I told Derek where he could stick it and I basically told McNurse how stupid she was, just in case she hasn't gotten that particular memo yet."

"I am never leaving this hospital again! I can't believe I missed that! Just when I think you are boring and pathetic, you rise."

"Thanks, your support is overwhelming."

Izzie runs in. "Oh my god Mer, everyone said you went ape shit last night! Sorry I missed it. I am like a proud Mama."

"Thanks…I think."

George and Alex ran in just before Bailey entered.

"Were not late Dr. Bailey." Alex said.

"Did I say you were you fool. Now shut up so I can give you the assignments. Karev- Pit, O'Malley and Stevens- clinic, Yang- you're with Shepherd, and Grey- You're with Hahn, but the chief wants to see you first."

"What for?"

"Do I look like 411 to you? I don't know but if the chief says run you say how fast! Understood?"

"Yes, Dr. Bailey"

"Good, now get out of my sight. NOW!"

They all ran out the door.

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Meredith played with her watch as she slowly walked to the chief's office. She should have known it would get back to the chief, everything always did. Well Derek started it. She had every right to defend herself.

She came upon his office door, took a deep breath and knocked.

"Come in."

"You wanted to see me che…." She trailed off seeing Derek already seated in one of the chairs. Oh just fucking wonderful.

"Please sit down Dr. Grey."

"Okay, what is this about chief?"

"First of all I want to formally congratulate you on your success on the clinical trial. You both did an amazing job. Now I know you lost twelve lives but you saved one. And if you saved one you can save more. You will both be featured in the Annals of American Neurosurgery next month for the unveiling of the Shepherd-Grey Method."

"What?!" They both exclaimed.

"Why should she get any credit? I am the attending neurosurgeon. I mixed the virus and I did the surgeries."

"Well I did the research and I found the patients. I had to beg you to do it more than once! So why should you get any credit?"

"Yeah you're right Dr. Grey. If it wasn't for you we wouldn't have killed any one, let alone twelve innocent victims."

"They would have died without the surgery, you know that."

"Well they certainly died a lot sooner at your hands, didn't they?"

"Well, if you didn't have to be close enough to sniff me all the time you wouldn't have had to do it. No one twisted your fucking arm! I…"

"ENOUGH!" The chief yelled.

By that time both Meredith and Derek were out of their seats and were nose to nose.

They both whipped theirs heads around to look at Dr. Webber.

"What the hell is wrong with you two?"

Silence.

"That was not a rhetorical question. I want an answer. Now!"

"Well Chief, Dr. Shepherd here is being an ass!"

"Well I wouldn't have to be an ass if she would grow up and accept responsibilities for her actions."

" Oh, like you are such a great role model."

"I said enough! Now I don't care what you two have to do to fix this, but do it quick. You two will be working very closely with each other in the near future and you will be representing this hospital. I don't want any negative publicity for this hospital. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes sir" They both mumbled.

"Now get the hell out of here and get to work."

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They both stormed out of the Chief's office, but stopped short when they noticed the gaggle of people outside the office trying to act like they hadn't been eavesdropping. Not that they had to put a glass to the door or anything. They had been yelling loud enough to wake the morgue three floors down.

"What the hell are all of you looking at?" Meredith hissed. "Get back to work."

"They wouldn't be looking if you would shut up." Derek said.

"I am not talking to you, Dr. Shepherd."

"You just did, Dr. Grey." Derek smirked.

"Oh…You …Just…Whatever!" Meredith stormed off.

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Derek strutted towards the CT room he was paged to.

"What have we got?" He asked Cristina.

"Sonya Marshall, 27 year old white female involved in a two car pileup, complaining of blurred vision and persistant headache." Cristina said. " We are just waiting for the scans to come up now."

" If they are not ready yet, then why the hell did you page me, Dr. Yang?" He said coldly.

Cristina looked around to make sure they were alone.

"Look here you asshole. I am only going to say this once and I will even say it slowly so your dumbass can understand me. I don't know what the hell your problem is and I frankly don't give a flying fuck, but you will solve it. You will not talk to me like this. I am not your little candy crack whore. I am a surgeon and you will respect me. I don't care if you are my boss. And furthermore if you keep treating Meredith like shit, I will personally remove your penis with a dull knife and display it on the surgical board. Are we understood?"

Silence.

"Good! I am so glad we had this talk. I will let you read her scans while I go get her labs." Cristina said cheerfully as she left the room.

Derek sat there openmouthed. Damn this hospital is full of hormonal females.


	6. Chapter 6

Later that day, Meredith sat in the conference room writing the death note for Hahn's patient. The patient coded thirty minutes into the freakin surgery. Not that she was mad at the patient, but she needed to feel the rush after a successful surgery. God, she would kill for a neuro case. Just one but she couldn't because of him. Unless…she went above his head. A smile spread across her face. Yeah that is exactly what she would do.

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Meredith stopped by the Chief's office on her way to lunch. She knocked on the door and then stuck her head in.

"You got a minute Chief?" she asked.

"Yes, come on in."

"Look, I just wanted to apologize for this morning. I guess things just ended badly with us, but you are right. We really have to learn to coexist peacefully in this hospital. So I was thinking that I could work with him on his service for the next few weeks. I know we can't declare specialities yet, but since we will be representing the hospital, I thought it would be good to make sure I know as much as possible so I don't embarrass myself or the hospital."

"That is a great idea, Meredith. I will make sure you are on his service starting tomorrow."

Meredith smiled sweetly. "Thank you so much Chief. I really appreciate it."

"No problem. I appreciate you taking the grown up approach in this situation. Now, if you will excuse me, I have a board meeting to get to."

Meredith walked out laughing to herself. Derek Shepherd wouldn't know what hit him.

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Derek sat down next to Mark to eat his lunch. Mark looked at him and burst out laughing.

"What the hell are you laughing at?"

"Oh…Oh…Hold on." He gasped. He took a deep breath and tried to control his laughter.

"Sorry. I'm just…Wow. Grey gave you a verbal beat down huh?"

"Oh please. I can handle Meredith. She just needs to be put in her place."

"Yeah…Good luck with that man."

Rose walked up to the table, put her tray down, and kissed Derek on the cheek.

"Hey. Everyone is talking about last night. I am so embarrassed. I mean what did you ever see in her?" Rose asked Derek as Mark rolled his eyes.

"I will handle Dr. Grey. You don't have to worry about it."

Just then Meredith walked past them to go two tables down to sit with Cristina, Izzie, and Alex. Rose looked thoughtfully at their table and then stood up.

"Rose where are you going?" Derek asked.

"I can fight my own battles Derek. She just needs a taste of her own medicine."

Rose started to walk over to Meredith's table. Mark looked at Derek.

"Man this can only end badly."

Derek sighed and got up and caught up to Rose as she approached the table with Mark following closely behind.

"Meredith, I would like to talk to you please." Rose said.

Everyone stopped talking and laughing and looked at the trio who had approached their table.

"Yes Rose?"

"I just want you to know that I think what you did last night was childish and immature. You really need to grow up. I am with Derek now. You need to come to terms with this. You couldn't make him happy and I can and will. You were very inappropriate and I would like an apology…Now."

By this time the cafeteria had become deadly quiet as Rose got louder and louder. Derek looked embarrassed while Mark and everyone else at Meredith's table looked amused.

Meredith stood up and came face to face with Rose.

"No I will not apologize to you. I am entitled to my opinion. And my opinion is that you are nothing more to Derek than a ploy to piss me off. That however has backfired as I don't give a damn who he dates or fucks."

Meredith started to walk away but turned around and looked both Rose and Derek dead in the eye.

"And inappropriate would be me telling you to remember than when you are kissing Derek, that is my pussy you're tasting! Now you all have a nice day, okay?"

Meredith walked away amongst a flurry of whispers, gasps, and her table of friends laughing their asses off.


	7. Chapter 7

Derek walked into Joe's later that evening to meet Mark for a drink. It had been one hell of a day what with Meredith's second outburst in as many days and the fallout with Rose after. Rose was becoming very clingy and irrational. Not that he could blame her. Meredith was definitely being very confrontational. He smiled to himself. It was a glimpse of how Meredith was before Addison forced her way into the picture. His little spitfire. Derek's smile faded. No…Not his anymore. He felt an overwhelming sense of sadness. He shook the feeling away and looked around for Mark. There he was leaning over some woman smiling. Derek rolled his eyes and went to rescue whoever it was from Mark's clutches. His good deed for the day he thought to himself.

"Hey Mark, are we getting a drink or what. This was your idea and …" Derek stopped when he saw who Mark was flirting with.

Meredith.

"Oh look who's here. Ready for round three Dr. Shepherd?" Meredith smirked.

A few people who had been present in the cafeteria laughed. He glared at them and they immediately shut up.

"Dr. Grey. Nice to see you up to your old games. Picking Mark up tonight are we? I have to admit that I am surprised you haven't already."

"At least it would be an improvement over what I have had." She smiled sweetly but her eyes were shooting daggers at him. " You however, seem to have downgraded severely."

"At least she knows the names of the people she sleeps with."

"You didn't complain when it was your name I didn't know when you took me home and fucked my brains out. Besides I know Mark's name. So that would be an improvement wouldn't it. I am making progress and I am actually sober this time."

During this time Mark was looking back and forth between them as if watching a tennis match.

"Um…sorry to interrupt but I am not picking Grey up. Not that I wouldn't kill to hit that man but I don't want to be picking my teeth up tonight. So lets just go way over there and have a drink and we will leave Grey to do her thing. Goodnight Meredith."

"Coward." Meredith hissed at Mark as he steered Derek away from her. He grinned and waggled his eyebrows at her.

"I like my face too much Grey."

Meredith grinned and settled in to wait for her friends to show up all the while anticipating Derek's reaction tomorrow when he realized he would be seeing a lot more of her than he ever thought possible.

_________________________________________________

Derek sat there glaring at Mark as they sat down at the booth with their scotches.

"What?"

"Why the hell were you hitting on Meredith?"

"Why do you care? Oh that's right you are in denial. Give me one reason why I shouldn't go after Grey? She is funny, smart, talented and beautiful. She is the total package. So tell me Derek, why?"

"I just wonder why you are always going after what I have."

"Had Derek had. You had Grey but for some reason you let her go. For Rose. I don't know what is going on in that brain of yours but I do know one thing. Rose will never make you happy. She might marry you and pop out six kids and live in your house with the white fucking picket fence but there is one thing Rose can't do."

"And what is that Mark?"

"She'll never turn into Meredith. And deep down Derek, beneath all that rage and hostility you know this and it is fucking eating you alive. But what do I know I am just a manwhore who wants to fuck your ex. Drink up, we have a long day tomorrow."

_______________________________________________________________

Meredith sat at the bar and nursed her shot of tequila. She felt someone sit down next to her.

"Is this seat taken?"

Meredith rolled her eyes. How original. She was just about to say this when her green eyes met warm brown. She looked the man up and down. Blond hair, brown eyes, nice clothes, GREAT BODY. What the hell, it wouldn't hurt to talk.

"Would it have mattered if it was? Seeing as how you just sat there and all?"

"Sarcasm. I like that in a girl."

"Must be my lucky day then."

"I'm Matt."

"Meredith"

"It's very nice to meet you, Meredith."

"Well that remains to be seen on my end, Matt."

"Fair enough, can I buy you a drink?"

"I already have a drink, Matt."

"So you do. I haven't seen you in here before. I have been coming here a few times a week for about a month now and I would definitely remember you."

"I haven't been here as much as I used to lately, but that just might change."

"So what do you do?"

"I am a surgical resident at Seattle Grace."

"Oh so you are Dr. Meredith."

"It would appear so." She giggled. "And you?"

"I am an attorney with a firm down the block. I don't normally do this, but at the risk of being rejected, can I buy you dinner one night?"

"I'm free tonight."

"Really? I mean yes, great. There is a great Italian place a few minutes from here."

"First there are some things you need to know about me. I just got out of a relationship, my job owns me, my friends come first, I suck at emotional crap, and you are not getting laid tonight, possibly never. Do you still want to go out with me?"

"Yeah, now more than ever."

"Okay then."

"Okay." Matt offered his arm. Meredith took it and they walked out of the bar together laughing softly, not paying attention to the narrowed eyes of one very pissed off and jealous Derek Shepherd.

--______________________________________________________________-

Later that night Meredith sat in Matt's car wiping the tears of laughter from her eyes. They were parked next to her car in the hospital's parking lot. They had eaten a wonderful Italian dinner and then he took her for, get this, an ice cream cone. She couldn't remember the last time she had such a nice date. Derek and she had never really went out for meals. They had always pretty much stayed in and well… had sex so this was really a change for her. Matt was witty and gracious along with being hot as hell. He reminded her of Finn in a way, but only more manly and not as wimpy. He seemed strong to her but then again her judgment…not always so good.

"Hey there are you still with me?"

"I'm sorry, what?"

"You seemed to space out there for a few minutes. Am I boring you that much?"

"What? No!…No, you…this is the most fun I have had in a long time, Matt. Truly, thank you for tonight."

"You are most welcome. You said something about just getting out of a relationship. Do you want to talk about it? I am a really good listener."

"Thanks, but I have a very expensive shrink for that."

"Okay, I just am wondering what kind of guy can let a girl like you go."

"A guy who wanted different things than I did…or maybe not different just faster than I would have liked. I am impulsive in so many aspects of my life but when it comes to forever, I just think you have to be completely sure, you know? I had a horrible childhood with a father who left and a mother who let me know every day how she wished she could have had an abortion. I am not sure I could be a good wife and mother and I just think I should be sure. He couldn't wait."

"Couldn't or wouldn't?"

"It doesn't matter. It's done. Well…I had a great time tonight, Matt, but the carriage is about to turn into a pumpkin and I have to be in at 6am tomorrow, so…"

"Are you busy tomorrow night?"

"What? You want to go out with me again? Even though I have a demanding job, am downright depressing and have enough emotional issues that my shrink will retire before we address them all?"

"Yes even with all that."

"Okay. Pick me up at 8pm in the lobby?"

"Great. I am looking forward to it, Meredith."

He leaned forward and gave her a soft peck on the cheek.

"Good night Meredith." he whispered.

"Good night Matt."

She got out of his car and waved goodbye as his tail lights left the lot.

________________________________________________________________

Derek stormed ,or rather stumbled holding on to Mark, into his trailer. After Meredith left with her fuck of the night he tossed back scotches like they were water. He was drunk off of his fucking ass.

"Damn man, you could help me some here, you are goddamned heavy. Shit. Get the damn door open will ya?"

"I'm drunk."

"No shit Sherlock, where the fuck did you park your squad car?"

"She left with that guy, only knew him for like 2 minutes. Hell she made me wait at least 45 minutes before she took me home. I bet his dick isn't as big as mine. I have a big dick, right Mark?"

"I don't fucking know Derek and I don't want too. There will be no show and tell tonight man. I draw the line somewhere. You drunk bastard."

"I bet he can't make her scream. Man she is a screamer and sooooo flexible. The shit she can do would blow your mind. We had sex everywhere man, everywhere. All over the hospital, Joe's bathroom, my car, her car, your car…"

"What the fuck man! Why the hell did you fuck Grey in my car?"

"Yours was closer."

"You are so going to pay to have that mother fucker cleaned."

"You are such a good friend, Mike."

"Mark"

"Whatever."

"Rose sucks in bed. And I don't mean in a good way. She just lays there and grunts a lot. I vomit in my mouth a little bit just thinking about it. Is that normal?"

"Yeah Derek of course it's normal to want to vomit at the thought of fucking their girlfriend." Mark said sarcastically.

" I don't want her to be my girlfriend, but at least she won't fuck you or someone they knew for 2 seconds."

"Derek let it go. If you don't want Rose dump her. If you want Grey, go for it before it is too late. She's a catch."

"She's fucked up man."

"Yeah because you are so normal."

"Mark…I'm drunk man." Derek giggled and then promptly threw up.

Mark groaned. It was going to be a long night.


	8. Chapter 8

**So Sorry for the delay. I am almost finished with this fic on another board and I have been concentrating on getting it finished. I will try to upload on here more! **

Meredith hummed to herself as she headed towards the entrance to Seattle Grace. Life was sure looking up for once. She had a sort of date with Matt and she got to piss off Derek for the next few weeks and there wasn't one damn thing he could do about it. One good thing about the Chief fucking your life up? Said Chief jumping through hoops to make up for it. She wondered if Derek knew she was on his service for an undetermined length of time. She saw Cristina at the elevator and hurried to meet up with her.

"Mer, what happened to you last night? I thought you were waiting for me?"

"I know but I met this guy…"

"Oh so that explains the look."

"What look? I don't have a look."

"The I just got laid look. I am so jealous. I have almost forgotten sex, it's been so long."

Meredith was just about to say she hadn't had sex in almost as long herself, when she noticed what appeared to be a very hung over Derek approaching the line waiting for the elevator. The elevator doors opened and they entered it and all squeezed in with Derek having little choice but to be directly behind her. She decided to have a little fun at his expense.

"Okay so I did get laid last night."

"Was it any good? Who was he or did you even bother to ask?"

"Yes I asked. His name is Matt and he is a successful attorney. He has never been married, has no hidden wives, and doesn't live in a trailer. Oh and he is a God in bed, which added with the other details makes him the exact opposite of my last relationship."

Derek glared at the back of her head. Bitch! He could make her have a screaming orgasm right her if he wanted to and if his head wasn't pounding as if a jackhammer was going to town in there.

"We have a date tonight. He is picking me up at 8pm in the lobby."

"You have a date?" Derek blurted out. Meredith and Cristina slowly turned around and looked at him as if he had two heads.

"Yeah you know, that thing that you never bothered to do with me because apparently you were like every guy and just wanted to use me for sex. Matt isn't like that. He respects me."

"I just bet he does. It's very easy to say you respect someone when they have your mouth on their cock and are giving you several screaming orgasms."

"Oh…you miss me." Meredith said sarcastically as she smiled sweetly.

"Please. How can I miss someone like you? You are the most fucked up person I have ever met, Meredith. You really need help."

Meredith stepped very close to him until her lips were just a hair away from his. She licked her lips and he gulped and held his breath. She leaned forward and at the very last second, she turned her head until her mouth rested on his ear. He shuddered as her breath teased his ear. His cock hardened until he felt like he would explode. Her body touched every inch of his. She whispered in his ear.

"Oh you miss me and you know it. I bet Rose doesn't make you feel like I do. Now someone else is getting this and it Fucking. Pisses. You. Off. Admit it, you want to shove me against this wall and rip off my clothes and fuck me until I scream your name over and over again." The elevator stopped on their floor and Meredith backed away from Derek and started to walk away. She stopped after two steps and turned back and looked him up and down.

"You might want to get your nurse to take care of that very prominent problem you have, Dr. Shepherd." She said loudly and then walked away with a laughing Cristina leaving a very embarrassed and livid Derek behind. Meredith had just won round 4 and the gossip mill was going to have a field day with this.


	9. Chapter 9

**It has been well over a frigging year since I have updated this! I am truly sorry. And looking back at it now, I realize how green I was with writing lol. I am doing this as a special request. Enjoy!**

Meredith and Cristina walked into the locker room where everyone else was already getting ready still laughing.

"What's so funny?" Izzie asked.

"Oh…you guys should have been there. Meredith just gave a Derek a boner and then very loudly announced it to the whole surgical floor."

"I thought you two were fighting?" George asked very confused.

"We are. I can't help it if I affect him that way." Meredith said slyly.

"Oh you knew exactly what you were doing. That is wrong on so many levels Meredith."Alex said. " I never took you for a tease."

"He called me a whore…twice. Need I remind all of you, he picked my ass up in that bar, so that is the pot calling the kettle white or whatever."

"Whatever who cares. Now tell me about this Matt person you are fucking now." Cristina said.

"Oh I am not really fucking him. I just wanted to piss Derek off. But we are going out tonight for dinner. I like him, he's nice." Meredith said simply.

"Wait a minute, hold the phones. You are going on a date?" Izzie asked incredulously

."Yes, I am going on a date. Why is that such a shock to everyone. I'm moving on. Just like Derek has. What is wrong with that?"

"Nothing at all. So when can we meet him?" Izzie asked eagerly.

"Shit Iz, I just met him. Let's see how tonight goes before you go planning the wedding, okay?"

Bailey walked in and looked at everyone."Okay kiddy play time is over. Karev-pit, Stevens-Hahn, O'Malley-clinic, Yang, you are with Sloan, and Grey want to tell me how you got assigned to Shepherd for undetermined amount of time?"

Everyone whipped their heads around to look at Meredith, who just smiled innocently at Bailey.

"The Chief thought it would be a great idea. You would have to ask him I guess."

Bailey's eyes narrowed at Meredith."I don't want any problems Grey, you understand me. Don't think I don't know about all your drama around here. You are a surgeon, act like it. Don't even think about embarrassing me. Now all of you go, now! Wait a minute Grey. You stay."

Meredith turned around and looked at Bailey.

"I meant what I said Grey. That being said, I will let you have the pleasure of informing Dr. Shepherd about the new developments. Now go find your attending. You are late. I believe he is already in room 3129."

"Yes, Dr. Bailey. Thank you."

Meredith turned around and hurried towards her destination. She couldn't wait to see his face.

/NLTL/

Derek looked at his watch again. Whoever his resident was he was going to torture them. He didn't tolerate tardiness. He had been in with the patient for 10 minutes and couldn't go any further without the damn resident. He hoped it was O'Malley. He was kind of fun to torture. He saw movement at the door and he looked up.

No fucking way!

It couldn't be.

It was.

Meredith_ fucking _Grey.

He had to jack off like a goddamned teenager earlier because of that damned stunt she pulled in that elevator.

"Sorry I'm late, I had an…unexpected delay." she said.

"Nice of you to finally join us, Dr. Grey. Now that you have graced us with your presence please present the patient."

"Sarah Lance, 35 year old female with a benign tumor pressing against her optic nerve. It has been present for 1 year but surgery was not necessary until it grew and started to affect her vision 1 month ago. She is here for removal and is scheduled at 11 am."

"Mrs. Lance do you have any questions before we proceed? As you know, there is a chance of permanent damage to the optic nerve but I have every confidence that this will not be the case. I will see you at 11am."

Derek strolled out of the room and waited just outside the door around the corner and waited for Meredith to exit. When she did, he grabbed her and practically dragged her into the nearest on call room. He pushed her into the room and shut the door and locked it.

" What the fuck do you think you are doing?" Meredith demanded with her hands on her hips.

"I could ask you the same fucking question, Dr. Grey. Why are you on my service?"

"To learn from you of course, Dr. Shepherd. You are after all the best. Why I bet you could out operate anyone." she gushed innocently.

"Cut the shit, Meredith. What the hell do you want from me?"

"Not one fucking thing, Derek. I don't want shit from you. I gag just looking at you, but I will be damned if you are going to compromise my career. Did you honestly think you could call me a whore and get away with it? I am going to make your life miserable. I am not going to take this lying down!"

"Why not? Isn't that your favorite position? On your back?" He asked.

_Crack_

Her palm connected with his cheek.

"That is the last time you will insinuate that I am a whore. Do you understand me? I am not the one who conveniently forgot he was married. If I am a whore, it is because you made me one. I will see you in surgery Dr. Shepherd."

She wrenched the door open and stormed out of the room leaving Derek standing there in openmouthed shock rubbing the sting out of his cheek.

**Comment! If anyone can remember this story anyway...**


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